It's very simple.

 

First put a tea bag in a teacup. Then boil a kettle of water. Then pour the water into the cup. Next allow the tea to 'brew' for three to five minutes, depending on how strong you like it. Then remove the tea bag and add milk. Sugar can also be added for, naturally enough, sweetness. Tea can also be made in a teapot. This involves the placing of several tea bags in the pot, adding the water, and letting it brew before tipping it out into individual cups. Traditionalists favour the use of loose tea leaves rather than tea bags, often measuring out the amount of tea to be used with the spoonful-of-tea counting mantra of 'one for each (person) and one for the pot'.

 

Purists take the whole process even further by refusing to use tap water as the lime content of it can make tea cloudy. They also steer clear of water with too much iron in it which precipitate tannins in the cup. Chlorinated water is likewise forbidden. And they never use water that has been boiled more than once. But that's the thing with purists, they are slightly bonkers. After all just look how much trouble religious purists have made in this world.

 

Although the making of a cup of tea is a relatively simple and straightforward affair, the meaning of a cup of tea in Britain is anything but simple and straightforward. If a drink can be a crossroads of national identity then a cup of tea is a veritable Spaghetti Junction. For you, as a newcomer to Britain, how you make a cup of tea is, of course, entirely up to you. What is important, however, is that you do drink tea. Even if you don't actually like the stuff, to be seen drinking a cup of tea is a subtly coded message that speaks of a quiet desire to fit in.

 

Equally important to understand is that when anyone ever comes to visit you it is imperative to offer them a cup of tea. Whether they accept the offer or not is immaterial, what is important is that you make the offer. If the offer is accepted the next request that you should make of your guest is 'how do you take it?' It is through these ritualised steps that the British establish contact with each other.

 

Of late, coffee and coffee drinking, has seen a sudden surge in popularity. This is a trend that should be resisted. It plays into a mistaken idea of sophistication. This, frankly, pseudo-sophistication has been encouraged by the proliferation of 'continental' coffee shops that offer 'coffee' in a range of options so confusing that it won't be long before 'coffee studies' is taught in schools as a core part of the national curriculum. Tea, by contrast, provides far more accessible pleasures. In addition, how tea and coffee work psychologically are significantly different. A cup of coffee may well pick you up, but a cup of tea sits you down and has a chat. So tea is fundamentally friendlier than coffee. What's more, tea spans and unites the British social spectrum in a way that coffee never could. At the top end you have, for example, tea at the Ritz. It's all lace doilies, cucumber sandwiches with the crusts cut off, scones with jam and clotted cream, and a surprisingly large bill. At the opposite end it's a bacon sarnie and a mug of tea at a caff for less than a couple of quid. Each experience is as valid, enjoyable, and essentially British as the other.

 

Indeed so beloved are the subtleties of tea drinking to the British people that they frequently bring them into their own homes. Often when offered a cup of tea at someone's home you will be taxed with the additional question 'cup or mug?' Think about your response carefully as each reply has a different meaning. As a rule it's best to say 'mug' as this speaks of a relaxed informality. And of an artisan willingness to get on with whatever job is in hand.

 

The power implicit from such a seemingly innocent choice can be gauged from the fact that occasionally our ex-Prime Minister Mr Tony Blair would step out of the door of No. 10 Downing Street to address a press conference with a mug of tea in his hand. Had he come out with a cup of tea it would have sent out a completely different message about his character, his carefully considered image, and how he approached the complex and demanding task of running the country.

 

On top of all this, tea is the universal lubricant that prevents our great nation from grinding to a halt. In any given situation, we may not know what to do, what to say or how to make real human contact with one another, but we do know how to make a cup of tea. And so that's what we do. Miraculously, that's often all it takes to get things moving.