Did you ever feel during your travels that you were in danger?
Paraguay is a very uncertain place. Crime and mythology are inseparable
to many Paraguayans, and people in the city are terrified of what
they think happens out in the interior (and vice-versa). This anxiety
is bound to rub off on any traveller and I am no exception. However,
I did confidence and I was soon tramping round the country - in
skiffs, petrol-trucks, buses and tiny planes. My confidence was
probably at its thinnest when I was travelling up the Rio Paraguay
on the 'Guarani', through waters gnashing with piranhas. This old
barge had already been to the bottom once and - the time I hitched
along - we steered through the most ferocious electric storm I have
ever encountered with 94 drums of petrol lashed to the deck. My
anxieties would have of course have been nothing compared to those
of the colonial Spanish; in those days these waters were infested
with 'sweet water pirates' who plucked their eyelashes out 'so that
they could better see the cristianos' and who thrived on a diet
of roasted human flesh.
But there was also much that made you laugh?
Yes, it is inevitable that in a country that has been
as isolated as Paraguay has been, there would be some eccentricity.
This often seemed very funny - like the Paraguayan version of the
eightsome reel at the country's annual Caledonian Ball, or the quack
who tried to sell me a cure for everything (including AIDS and jealousy).
However, it was not always easy to laugh at these experiences at
the time; some have become funny simply because I've survived with
no more damage than wounded pride. One night I found myself walking
eleven kilometres to an old British Socialist colony set deep in
a swamp. In total darkness, I was deeply troubled by the foul reptilian
sounds all around me - or perhaps the sounds of the mythological
bisexual ant-bear famous for ravishing unwary travellers? Suddenly
my path was blocked by a huge black outline, its hot stinking breath
blasting in my face. I extracted a torch and shined it in the monster's
face. In confronting my worst nightmares, I had woken a large fat
milk cow.
